A Modest Proposal

                             by Jonathan Swift

                          First Published in 1729
     _________________________________________________________________

A MODEST PROPOSAL FOR PREVENTING THE CHILDREN OF POOR PEOPLE IN IRELAND FROM
 BEING A BURDEN TO THEIR PARENTS OR COUNTRY, AND FOR MAKING THEM BENEFICIAL
                               TO THE PUBLIC

  It is a melancholy object to those who walk through this great town or travel
  in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabin doors,
  crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six
  children, all in rags and importuning every passenger for an alms. These
  mothers, instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are
  forced to employ all their time in strolling to beg sustenance for their
  helpless infants: who as they grow up either turn thieves for want of work,
  or leave their dear native country to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or
  sell themselves to the Barbadoes.

   I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number of
   children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their
   mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable
   state of the kingdom a very great additional grievance; and,
   therefore, whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of
   making these children sound, useful members of the commonwealth, would
   deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a
   preserver of the nation.

   But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for
   the children of professed beggars; it is of a much greater extent, and
   shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age who are
   born of parents in effect as little able to support them as those who
   demand our charity in the streets.

   As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years upon this
   important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of other
   projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in the
   computation. It is true, a child just dropped from its dam may be
   supported by her milk for a solar year, with little other nourishment;
   at most not above the value of 2s., which the mother may certainly
   get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation of begging; and
   it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for them in
   such a manner as instead of being a charge upon their parents or the
   parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they
   shall on the contrary contribute to the feeding, and partly to the
   clothing, of many thousands.

   There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it will
   prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of women
   murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent among us!
   sacrificing the poor innocent babes I doubt more to avoid the expense
   than the shame, which would move tears and pity in the most savage and
   inhuman breast.

   The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one million
   and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two hundred
   thousand couple whose wives are breeders; from which number I subtract
   thirty thousand couples who are able to maintain their own children,
   although I apprehend there cannot be so many, under the present
   distresses of the kingdom; but this being granted, there will remain
   an hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty
   thousand for those women who miscarry, or whose children die by
   accident or disease within the year. There only remains one hundred
   and twenty thousand children of poor parents annually born: the
   question therefore is, how this number shall be reared and provided
   for, which, as I have already said, under the present situation of
   affairs, is utterly impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed.
   For we can neither employ them in handicraft or agriculture; we
   neither build houses (I mean in the country) nor cultivate land: they
   can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing, till they arrive at
   six years old, except where they are of towardly parts, although I
   confess they learn the rudiments much earlier, during which time, they
   can however be properly looked upon only as probationers, as I have
   been informed by a principal gentleman in the county of Cavan, who
   protested to me that he never knew above one or two instances under
   the age of six, even in a part of the kingdom so renowned for the
   quickest proficiency in that art.

   I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl before twelve
   years old is no salable commodity; and even when they come to this age
   they will not yield above three pounds, or three pounds and
   half-a-crown at most on the exchange; which cannot turn to account
   either to the parents or kingdom, the charge of nutriment and rags
   having been at least four times that value.

   I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope
   will not be liable to the least objection.

   I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in
   London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most
   delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted,
   baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a
   fricassee or a ragout.

   I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that of the
   hundred and twenty thousand children already computed, twenty thousand
   may be reserved for breed, whereof only one-fourth part to be males;
   which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle or swine; and my
   reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a
   circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore one male will
   be sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred
   thousand may, at a year old, be offered in the sale to the persons of
   quality and fortune through the kingdom; always advising the mother to
   let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them
   plump and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an
   entertainment for friends; and when the family dines alone, the fore
   or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a
   little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day,
   especially in winter.

   I have reckoned upon a medium that a child just born will weigh 12
   pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, increaseth to 28
   pounds.

   I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for
   landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents,
   seem to have the best title to the children.

   Infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more
   plentiful in March, and a little before and after; for we are told by
   a grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish being a
   prolific diet, there are more children born in Roman Catholic
   countries about nine months after Lent than at any other season;
   therefore, reckoning a year after Lent, the markets will be more
   glutted than usual, because the number of popish infants is at least
   three to one in this kingdom: and therefore it will have one other
   collateral advantage, by lessening the number of papists among us.

   I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in
   which list I reckon all cottagers, laborers, and four-fifths of the
   farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags included; and I
   believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the
   carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make four
   dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular
   friend or his own family to dine with him. Thus the squire will learn
   to be a good landlord, and grow popular among his tenants; the mother
   will have eight shillings net profit, and be fit for work till she
   produces another child.

   Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may
   flay the carcass; the skin of which artificially dressed will make
   admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.

   As to our city of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose
   in the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured
   will not be wanting; although I rather recommend buying the children
   alive, and dressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.

   A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose virtues I
   highly esteem, was lately pleased in discoursing on this matter to
   offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said that many gentlemen of this
   kingdom, having of late destroyed their deer, he conceived that the
   want of venison might be well supplied by the bodies of young lads and
   maidens, not exceeding fourteen years of age nor under twelve; so
   great a number of both sexes in every country being now ready to
   starve for want of work and service; and these to be disposed of by
   their parents, if alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations. But
   with due deference to so excellent a friend and so deserving a
   patriot, I cannot be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the
   males, my American acquaintance assured me, from frequent experience,
   that their flesh was generally tough and lean, like that of our
   schoolboys by continual exercise, and their taste disagreeable; and to
   fatten them would not answer the charge. Then as to the females, it
   would, I think, with humble submission be a loss to the public,
   because they soon would become breeders themselves; and besides, it is
   not improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt to censure
   such a practice (although indeed very unjustly), as a little bordering
   upon cruelty; which, I confess, hath always been with me the strongest
   objection against any project, however so well intended.

   But in order to justify my friend, he confessed that this expedient
   was put into his head by the famous Psalmanazar, a native of the
   island Formosa, who came from thence to London above twenty years ago,
   and in conversation told my friend, that in his country when any young
   person happened to be put to death, the executioner sold the carcass
   to persons of quality as a prime dainty; and that in his time the body
   of a plump girl of fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poison
   the emperor, was sold to his imperial majesty's prime minister of
   state, and other great mandarins of the court, in joints from the
   gibbet, at four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the
   same use were made of several plump young girls in this town, who
   without one single groat to their fortunes cannot stir abroad without
   a chair, and appear at playhouse and assemblies in foreign fineries
   which they never will pay for, the kingdom would not be the worse.

   Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that
   vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed, and I
   have been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken to
   ease the nation of so grievous an encumbrance. But I am not in the
   least pain upon that matter, because it is very well known that they
   are every day dying and rotting by cold and famine, and filth and
   vermin, as fast as can be reasonably expected. And as to the young
   laborers, they are now in as hopeful a condition; they cannot get
   work, and consequently pine away for want of nourishment, to a degree
   that if at any time they are accidentally hired to common labor, they
   have not strength to perform it; and thus the country and themselves
   are happily delivered from the evils to come.

   I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my subject. I
   think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and
   many, as well as of the highest importance.

   For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the
   number of papists, with whom we are yearly overrun, being the
   principal breeders of the nation as well as our most dangerous
   enemies; and who stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the
   kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their advantage by the
   absence of so many good protestants, who have chosen rather to leave
   their country than stay at home and pay tithes against their
   conscience to an Episcopal curate.

   Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable of their
   own, which by law may be made liable to distress and help to pay their
   landlord's rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and money
   a thing unknown.

   Thirdly, Whereas the maintenance of an hundred thousand children, from
   two years old and upward, cannot be computed at less than ten
   shillings a-piece per annum, the nation's stock will be thereby
   increased fifty thousand pounds per annum, beside the profit of a new
   dish introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the
   kingdom who have any refinement in taste. And the money will circulate
   among ourselves, the goods being entirely of our own growth and
   manufacture.

   Fourthly, The constant breeders, beside the gain of eight shillings
   sterling per annum by the sale of their children, will be rid of the
   charge of maintaining them after the first year. Fifthly, This food
   would likewise bring great custom to taverns; where the vintners will
   certainly be so prudent as to procure the best receipts for dressing
   it to perfection, and consequently have their houses frequented by all
   the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their knowledge
   in good eating: and a skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his
   guests, will contrive to make it as expensive as they please.

   Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wise
   nations have either encouraged by rewards or enforced by laws and
   penalties. It would increase the care and tenderness of mothers toward
   their children, when they were sure of a settlement for life to the
   poor babes, provided in some sort by the public, to their annual
   profit instead of expense. We should see an honest emulation among the
   married women, which of them could bring the fattest child to the
   market. Men would become as fond of their wives during the time of
   their pregnancy as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in
   calf, their sows when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or
   kick them (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.

   Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the addition
   of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barreled beef, the
   propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in the art of making
   good bacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs,
   too frequent at our tables; which are no way comparable in taste or
   magnificence to a well-grown, fat, yearling child, which roasted whole
   will make a considerable figure at a lord mayor's feast or any other
   public entertainment. But this and many others I omit, being studious
   of brevity.

   Supposing that one thousand families in this city would be constant
   customers for infants flesh, besides others who might have it at merry
   meetings, particularly weddings and christenings: I compute that
   Dublin would take off annually about twenty thousand carcasses, and
   the rest of the kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat
   cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand.

   I can think of no one that will possibly be raised against this
   propasal, unless it should be urged that the number of people will be
   thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own, and it was
   indeed one principal design in offering it to the world. I desire the
   reader will observe, that I calculated my remedy for this one
   individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no other that ever was, is, or,
   I think, ever can be upon earth. Therefore let no man talk to me of
   other expedients: Of taxing our absentees at five shillings a pound:
   Of using neither clothes, nor household furniture, except what is our
   own growth and manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials and
   instruments that promote foriegn luxury: Of curing the expensiveness
   of pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women: Of introducing a
   vein of parsimony, prudence, and temperance: Of learning to love our
   country, wherein we differ even from Laplanders, and the inhabitants
   of Tompinamboo: Of quitting our animosities and factions, nor act any
   longe like the Jews, who were murdering one another at the very moment
   their city was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our
   country and consciences for nothing: Of teaching landlords to have at
   least one degree of mercy towards their tenants. Lastly, of putting a
   spirit of honesty, industry, into our shopkeepers, who, if a
   resolution could now be taken to buy only our native goods, would
   immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the measure
   and goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair propasal
   of just dealing, though often and ernestly invited to it.

   Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the likes
   expedients, till he hath at least a glimpse of hope that there will
   ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them in practice. But
   as to myself, having been wearied out for many years with offering
   vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly dispairing of
   success, I fortunately fell upon this propasal, which as it is wholly
   new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expense and little
   trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no danger in
   disobliging England. For this kind of commodity will not bear
   exportation, the flesh being of too tender a consistence to admit a
   long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country that
   would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it.

   After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion as to reject
   any offer proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent,
   cheap, easy, and effectual. But before something of that kind shall be
   advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I
   desire the author or authors will be pleased maturely to consider two
   points. First, as things now stand, how they will be able to find food
   and raiment for an hundred thousand useless mouths and backs. And
   secondly, there being a round million of creatures in human figure
   throughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common
   stock would leave them in debt two millions of pounds sterling, adding
   those who are beggars by profession to the bulk of farmers, cottagers,
   and laborers, with their wives and children who are beggars in effect:
   I desire those politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be
   so bold as to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents
   of these mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great
   happiness to have been sold for food, at a year old in the manner I
   prescribe, and thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of
   misfortunes as they have since gone through by the oppression of
   landlords, the impossibility of paying rent without money or trade,
   the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor clothes to cover
   them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most inevitable
   prospect of entailing the like or greater miseries upon their breed
   for ever.

   I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least
   personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work,
   having no other motive than the public good of my country, by
   advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and
   giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no children by which I can
   propose to get a single penny; the youngest being nine years old, and
   my wife past child-bearing.

   (1729)

                                  THE END

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